The Pictures Are All I Can Feel

Various tones of streaky grey and white are brushstrokes across the sky today.  The trees, now in shades of crimson, rust and gold, look even more vibrant set against this monochromatic backdrop.

Painted SkyThe power is out today, so my only soundtrack comes from the traffic outside and the stack of CDs I've lined up for the day.

Continuing to work on the Story Evolution worksheets for my book.  Right now, I have fast-forwarded to the conflicts in the middle section of the story, and I'm finding I need to spend more time fleshing out the personalities of everyone other than my protagonist, and the story goals of these characters.

I'm actually finding these worksheets to be a godsend in the planning of the book.  Normally, I would have felt I had enough of the background decided to dive into writing by now.  But I realize that I probably would have only been prepared for the first scene or two, and would most likely have hit a wall after that with no idea how to get past it.

So, I am actually enjoying the extra prep – I have a feeling it will definitely pay off in the long-run. 

Music: The Cure – Disintegration: The Same Deep Water As You
(click to play)  

Flinging the Door Open

I bought "First Draft in 30 Days" to help me with getting organized to write my book.  At first, I was totally gung-ho about it. I literally hit the ground running that first night by typing out all the first week's worth of worksheets and printing them out so I could start organizing my thoughts.Work in Progress

I've actually had this idea in my head for a few years now, but I had never really planned to turn it into a book.  The more I thought about it – the characters, the history of the town itself, the crazy twists and turns I could throw into the mix – it seemed so obvious to me that I should take the plunge.

At first, it felt weird to me (even in my paper journal) to talk about my book, so I resorted to calling it, still, "my story".  I don't know why I was afraid to say it out loud. Maybe I was afraid of jinxing myself (like if I let it be known and a few months down the road, ended up abandoning the idea, I would have to account for my initial declaration).

The first person I told was my sister-in-law at one of our family BBQ's.  It was a pitiful attempt, at best.  When she asked me what it was about, I stammered out a shoddy description and quickly changed the subject, as if I were talking about the black sheep in the family – you know, that cousin or long-lost uncle who listens to Billy Joel and gets violently offended when you make fun of his love of all things Piano Man).

But I've decided to come out of the closet, so to speak, and let it be known that, yes – I am working on a novel. Yes, I am exhilarated and terrified and determined and I will most definitely be swinging on a pendulum between ecstatic and terrified for the next few months or years or how ever long it takes me to beat back the beasts of my own neuroses long enough to get my story down on paper.

So if you see me and I'm bleary-eyed and lost, or snarling, or disheveled and depressive, you now know it's because I am starting on one of the most exciting and fear-inducing adventures of my life.

And for better or worse, I love it.

Breaths & Gusts

The change in seasons is almost palpable these days.  At night, there is already a hint of autumn when the breeze comes in through the open windows in breaths and gusts.

Misty CityThere's something about fall that makes me want to crawl under a blanket with a fresh mug of coffee and my journal.   The sun sets almost 2 hours earlier now, and it no longer falls below the cityscape that is our direct view from the solarium.  It makes me long for a backyard of my own so I could take my coffee, light some candles & incense, grab a soft fuzzy sweater and sit there watching the sun set and waiting for the smell of fireplaces to lilt in on soft evening breezes.

As much as I love our summer road trips, quests for the perfect ice cream shop, and packing up the car to head to the beach, there is something so romantic about fall and the change of seasons.  Something in the air, something about the moon, how it seems to look a little more full, and how it almost seems to scent the air with its thick, fragrant musk, enveloping everyone and everything in its swirling elixir.

Maybe its just my Cancerian nature, my hopelessly romantic inner self that feels more alive and somehow more easily able to escape into a dream-state in the fall, to more easily travel the world in the span of the night without ever leaving my room.

Music: Clint Mansell's The Fountain
(click to play)

Shade of Black

Sometimes being an insomniac isn't so bad.  Like on those nights when I stay up late listening to dub beautiful collective and writing.

But then there are those other nights where I stay up watching reruns, eating junk, surfing the net and just basically being completely unproductive and ruining my sleeping schedule.  Tonight (this morning) was one of those nights (mornings).

Music: Oveloe – Shade of Black
(click to play)