Digging

Research on the brain. I've been trying to find out everything I can about Grandma's various books & stories in print. Looks like I may have to take a trek to the Reference Library for the ones on newspapers, as I contacted the Standard, and they have no idea who she is.

I did find a packet of cut-outs that she had sent Dad, and that got passed along to me when we cleaned out his apartment after he died. In it, there was a short article about her, and at the time it was written, she had just been in the hospital so much that she'd pretty much given up on writing. But she kept at it, even if it was only freelance.

She goes on to say that if one has a special dream, they should cling to it and work hard to realize it. It really touched me to read those things, she was sick but still managed to push herself to continue doing what she loved.

It sort of makes my own indecision and self-doubt seem frivolous. In comparison, I can write anytime; but for whatever reason – whether I am too lazy, or having an off day, or feel every word I write is pathetic and awful – I choose not to.

There are so many things I would ask her if she were alive. How old she was when she was first published; what she most wished for in terms of her writing career. I don't want to live my life in regret. But I can't help but wish we had been closer and that I had realized a lot sooner that I wanted to write so I could have asked her all these things.