The Beast Within

Well, what started out as a pretty awful day has turned out pretty great!

I spent I-don't-know-how-long at the computer trying to write.  Just when I'd put on some music and gotten ready to just dig in and get something done – the fucking alarm clock went off.  Between it continuing to sound for the next 2 hours (as Chris kept hitting the snooze button) and Zoey hounding me for attention, I was really ready to rip my hair out. Literally!!

So, I pretty much gave up any hope of progress, and decided to finish the jewelry I had to make for my orders. But then I realized that this would probably be my only chance to write in peace – while Chris was asleep. So, I made an iced cap – the ultimate! – grabbed some books and the Discman, and retreated to the balcony.

In terms of progress, I made some notes on various story ideas, realized I really do like my old story, "The Mirror", and actually wrote a bit on my Polaroid story. Go me!

I feel so much better.  I was literally on the verge of insanity.  I have to say that all I really needed was some solitude and no distractions.  What I have to remember is what Stephen King said in his book, On Writing.  The first draft should be written "with the door closed".  No distractions, no input from anyone, just full-on stream of consciousness, unedited writing. Just get it down. Editing comes later.

This week's chapter of The Artist's Way really makes sense to me (and it is so fitting for the swirling, snarling beast I became when I couldn't write).

When we get others to leave us alone, we eventually abandon ourselves. What's left is a shell of our whole self.  Our artist has checked out.  We call to it but it no longer trusts us.

Afraid to appear selfish, we lose ourselves. We become self-destructive.  Virtuous to a fault, trapped creatives have destroyed their true selves.

An artist must have downtime – withdrawal to replenish.  Without it, the artist feels vexed, angry.  If this deprivation continues, our artist becomes sullen (uh-huh), depressed (yes!), hostile (definitely!!).  We eventually become snarling animals (that was me this weekend).